What is at the heart of Immorality?

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; 16 that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal. 17 For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears.
Hebrews 12:15-17 (NASB)


In our highly sexulaized society it is easy to understand the biblical concept of immorality (the Greek word porneia) as only talking about sex. In this scripture however Esau is presented here as an archetypal example of one who commits the wrong of immorality. But what he did had nothing to do with sex. This points us to look for a more accurate understanding of what the word really means in it's deeper sense. As we understand the word we can also see why it is wrong and what we can do to stay our of it's trap.


First of all I believe we need to understand that when God gives a negative command it is not to harm us or keep something from us. In the specific case of the sexual use of the word porneia as it relates to sex, God's intention as we see from looking at the whole of scripture is to beautify sexual intimacy, not to take away from it. Biblically God tells us that any action that turns another human being into an object for our selfish gratification is immoral - porneia - pornograhic. The tendency of the church has been to devalue sexual intimacy altogether and in extreme cases to see it in a negative way in all cases except procreation. The Biblical picture of sexual intimacy is one of beauty, intimacy and wonderful pleasure which God delighted to create us able to experience....... if done in the way He intended.


Immorality - Porneia has been primarily understood as sex outside of marriage and while this is one aspect of it, the word actually means much more. Sexual porneia can actually happen in marriage as well as outside. Porneia is when we choose to give up an intended good that God desires for us to have for some immediate pleasure or perceived sexual benefit. Even married people can bring destructive actions which turn their spouse into objects. They can bring immoral acts into their intimate lives instead of choosing to follow God's design.


Once we understand this the biblical presentation of Esau as an archetypal immoral human the concept of immorality makes much more sense.


When Jacob had cooked stew, Esau came in from the field and he was famished; 30 and Esau said to Jacob, “Please let me have a swallow of that red stuff there, for I am famished.” Therefore his name was called Edom. 31 But Jacob said, “First sell me your birthright.” 32 Esau said, “Behold, I am about to die; so of what use then is the birthright to me?” 33 And Jacob said, “First swear to me”; so he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew; and he ate and drank, and rose and went on his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright.
Genesis 25:29-34 (NASB)


Here we see the beginning of the attitude that destroyed Esau's destiny. He gave up something extremely valuable that God meant for him to treasure to satisfy a momentary physical need. This is the real meaning of immorality. It is a great enemy of our soul.
 
Because of a mindset that demphasizes the biblical understanding of actions producing consequences we might be tempted to see this lapse in Esau's as just a minor issue. After all he was hungry. It seems he was very hungry. In fact many would have great compassion on Esau. They would not understand why such severe consequences should arise from such a small act on his part. And in our grace based understanding of God's nature - which is true - we might think that God should have just forgiven Esau and made everything right. But we see that even though Esau repented with tears he forever lost the birthright he sold for a bowl of stew.
 
I do not believe that God did not respond to Esau's repentance. In fact the rest of the story does show that Esau found restoration  In fact the story of Jacob's deception in stealing away Esau's blessing from his father does not have such a happy ending for Jacob either. But in the facts of the story we must not miss the truth that God intended something wonderful for Esau that he lost forever through his not valuing it as he should have.

He exchanged what was precious for that which meant almost nothing. That is what is at the heart of immorality. That is what is at the heart of all sin. We exchange the eternal blessing of our Father for some temporal trinket that will disappear in no time at all.
 
This is the story behind all wrongdoing. It is following a path away from the best for ourselves, others and God.
 
When we see wrongdoing as the route to meet our needs we miss seeing the heart of God. He was the one who created every kind of hunger. The wonderful story of how he created the first woman is a perfect example of his delight to make a man hungry for something he could not find a fulfillment for until he had longed for it enough to recognize it when he saw it.
 
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:18-25 (NASB)


Before there was ever any wrongdoing there was a hunger in a man's heart for a relationship. God created it and he meant for it to be fully fulfilled. God created humans with needs and desires with a good end in mind. That good end in this case was to bless both the man and the woman. The man was blessed with a companion who would meet the deepest longing of his body soul and spirit. The woman would be blessed by being deeply valued, cherished  (“This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh;. . . ") and cared for (For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.) Through their relationship with each other both would find a place of complete transparency and belonging where they found no shame (And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.).


All this relational beauty was conditional on a negative prohibition - Do not eat of the fruit of the Tree of the knowledge of good and evil.


The LORD God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not [a]eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”
Genesis 2:16-17 (NASB)


Here in the very beginning of creation we see the principle of immorality at work.


Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” 4 The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! 5 For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.
Genesis 3:1-7  (NASB)


The lie of immorality is that it will meet a need or desire in our lives that God won't. It says we have to throw away what God wants for us to get what is best for us. But it is a lie. What actually happens to everyone who follows the lie is they lose the very thing they were trying to gain.


A further principle of immorality is the addiction cycle. The little that it gives must be continually found by more and more of the action that it first required. Because the actual need God intended to be met through following His plan to meet the need or desire is left unmet. it becomes like a black hole inside of us. The act that brought about a temporary meeting of the need..... Esau did have his hunger met for a moment..... has to be repeated over and over again with a continual diminishment of fulfillment. This is the core of addiction.
The shame and regret over the loss of the blessing God intended for us works like a prison cell stripping us of all hope that we could ever regain the lost blessing. In this state it makes perfect sense to continue the path of surrender of God's best which we now believe we could never gain anyway for the temporary binding fulfillment the wrong way gives. 
 
There are several points where the enemy of immorality can be defeated.
 
The first place is to understand God's intention for us in our place of need. God intended for Adam to feel the great desire in his heart for a woman to make her precious to him. He intended for the deprivation to create such gratitude in him that he would treasure God's gift of her. He wanted Adam to always remember the loneliness he felt when God brought each animal to him and he found nothing to meet the Eve shaped hole in his heart. 
 
God intended for Esau's hunger to remind him that He would meet that hunger for ever if he would value the gift he was providing through his birthright. Instead Esau forsook self control and destroyed the hunger God gave him by a temporary fulfillment of it. But the cost was the plan God had to meet his hunger forever. Sadly he was hungry forever....
 
This is the bread which came down out of heaven; not as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live forever.”
John 6:58 (NASB)


Even if we fail to value our birthright of God's plan to meet the needs He created in us for good, immorality can be defeated by seeing it as the lie it is and turning back to God's plan.


It may seem this is what Esau tried to do but God did not respond. In fact God did respond and made provision for him in another way. But the birthright was forever lost.


We see this in the story of the prodigal son.


The son left home with half the inheritance. He spent it all. When the consequences of life caught up to him he remembered that his father was a kind man who was financially secure. He thought he would go and simply ask for a job as a hired person for his father. When he arrived home he was reinstated into sonship but many people miss an important aspect of his new situation in something the father said to the older brother:


But he (the older brother) answered and said to his father, ‘Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; 30 but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.’ 31 And he said to him, ‘Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours.


Luke 15:29-31  (NASB)


The younger brother lost his inheritance forever. If he was to ever be financially secure again it would be by his own blood, sweat and tears. But even this is a grace. The power of free provision would never overtake him again. He would never forget what he lost and what it cost to live without the free provision of his father.


That is what happened to Esau as well. He came to be well provided for in the end of his life. But he lost his father's inheritance.


We cannot regain our initial innocence when we give it away by immorality. I could never give my virginity to my wife on our wedding night though I would have so loved to have been able to. I, like Esau had given it away for a momentarily fulfillment of desire. And though I sought it with tears I could not regain it. It was gone. But in my repentance I learned a crucial lesson. I could turn back to purity. I could choose to live the rest of my life in view of what I had lost. I could choose faithfulness and purity to God while I was single and to my wife when I got married. That is what I did. Today I still grieve the loss of what I could have given of my birthright but God has made a way for me to live in the joy of purity.


It can be the same for anyone who will turn back to follow His path.