SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE PART 2

CORRECTION AND ENCOURAGEMENT

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,

Ephesians 4:15

In this age of instantaneous communication we have become used to communication that is one dimensional. To grab our attention it has to be able to be grasped in one second or less. The meaning has to be no more than the words say. It cannot require thought to understand it. It can contain no more than one message. It cannot have any subtleties.

It is not surprising that the most common communication on the planet today is in the form of a “text message” on our cell phones, a “status update” on facebook or a “tweet” on Twitter.

The problem with this emphasis on single purpose communication is it is like eating junk food. Feed someone junk food every day and soon healthy food no longer appeals to them.

The Bible is not a text message, status update or a tweet from God. If we read it as such we will not be able to gain the riches it intends to bestow on us.

The Bible is God’s Wisdom.

When I was a son to my father, Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, ⁴ Then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live;

Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
⁶ “Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.

The primary thing is wisdom. Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding. “Prize her, and she will exalt you; She will honor you if you embrace her. ⁹ “She will place on your head a garland of grace; She will present you with a crown of beauty.”

Hear, my son, and accept my sayings. And the years of your life will be many.
¹¹ I have directed you in the way of wisdom;  I have led you in upright paths.

When you walk, your steps will not be impeded;
And if you run, you will not stumble.
¹³ Take hold of instruction; do not let go.
Guard her, for she is your life.

Proverbs 4:3-13 (NASB)

Words of Wisdom must be continually reflected on to bring forth their meaning. Their meaning is found by continually meditating on them. We find their applications as we spend time with them.

The word meditate today might sound like something straight out of the New Age. It is not. Thousands of years before the Maharishi taught the Beatles to chant the names of Hindu gods and called it meditation the principle of true meditation was taught to Joshua.

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

Joshua 1:8 (NKJV)

The word God used to tell Joshua what to do with His word in Hebrew is וְהָגִיתָ (hagitah). It comes from the root הָגִהָ (hagah) which means to meditate, to muse, to speak, to utter, to mutter, to moan, to groan, to growl, to roar, to plot, to devise and to imagine.

The concept is that we are to be continually interacting with the words God gives us – spiritually, mentally, and physically -- in a lifelong seeking to apply them to our lives. As we do so we find in them the riches of their wisdom. With that in mind let’s look at our first scripture again.

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,

Ephesians 4:15

As we look at the message we see that we are clearly told to grow up. We are also told how to grow up. Further we are told what it looks like to grow up.

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,

Ephesians 4:15

Last time I spoke I shared with you how by speaking the truth about ourselves with each other we find an amazing path to freedom.

Today I want to go further and share two of the most important understandings I have found in this scripture to personally grow up and to help others grow up into the likeness of Jesus.

Correction and Encouragement

Both absolutely require that we speak the truth with love to each other.

As I have said before it is easy to speak the truth without love and it is easy to “love” without expressing truth.  These two ways of communicating represent our human tendencies to Fight (speak the truth without love) or Flee (maintain absolute silence for love’s sake).

While these two polar opposite communication forms may seem to deal with relationship conflict well they actually kill relationships completely.

One person has to die in each situation for the relationship to continue. In fighting the aggressor lives alone. In fleeing the one fleeing dies in silence.

As Christians we are not to fight or flee we are to stand. That is the position when we speak the truth in love -- By doing so we open the door for growth for ourselves and for other.

We will never grow if we will not receive correction.

For this command is a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and correction and instruction
are the way to life,

Proverbs 6:23 (NIV)

Correction and instruction
are the way to life…..

Since Correction and Instruction are the way to life what attitude should we have toward them?

Do you like to breath?

Do you like to eat?

If your boat crashed in the middle of the ocean would you hang on to the life raft? Would you grab hold of the life line from the helicopter that came to rescue you?

If you are at all like me I have not always perceived correction and instruction like these things. But the Bible says they are even more involved in keeping us alive than these things are.

With that thought in mind let me ask you a very personal question. Do you allow people to speak the truth to you? Especially those who really know you and love you? More than allowing people to speak the truth to you do you passionately pursue them to speak it to you?

When people do speak the truth – especially those who do so because they love you – do you reward them with honor by listening carefully in a state of humility? Do you thank them for taking the risk of telling you the truth? Or do you stop your ears and silence them through aggression or playing the victim?

When people speak the truth to us because they love us we are being given a priceless gift.

Even when our adversaries speak truth to us in bitterness it can still be a priceless gift. They may give us an even more accurate picture of how we look because they would not hold back anything like those who love us might.

If you have not been overly excited about this aspect of the Christian life then could I challenge you today to become so. It is a way for you to make incredible advancement in your growth as a Christian. See it as it is. You are destined for greatness but you will never achieve it without others to help you get there.

Like an amazing athlete has never won gold without being ready to listen to and practice what they have heard from their coaches and fellow athletes, you cannot win the prize without letting others “coach” you.

I now want to talk about our call to be “coaches”. To do so I want us to visit Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNDP9jLuzXU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNXxL1CEn-Q&feature=autoplay&list=UUbL8p_Wl7DvH6B0_RcteP2w&playnext=1

In three studies of the concept of mutual coaching in the workplace used in Pike’s Peak Fish Market in Seattle they found these amazing results:

Study 1:

Training alone increased productivity by 22.4 percent, whereas training and follow-up coaching increased productivity by 88 percent!

Study 2:

Coaching produced a 529% return on investment as well as significant intangible benefits.

Study 3:

Results from coaching include increased self-awareness 68%, better goal-setting 62%, lower stress levels 57%, increased confidence 52%, enhanced communication skills 40% and better relationship with co-workers 33%.

I now want to talk about our call to be coached and to be coaches. While correction and instruction are so vital in a coaching role, the most important gift a coach can give to his athletes is inspiration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiqdA1B3_Nc

A primary tool to build inspiration in people is in your mouth at this very moment. You have the potential to change a person’s destiny as you use this tool. If you use it well you can see changed relationships, workplace environments, homes, churches, cities and even nations. It is the gift of God’s encouragement through you.

Philipians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Sometimes in the meanness of spirit that religion can inculcate in people we lose the very beauty of Christ’s message.

We can become negative and shrill people who only relate to others in a condemning way. But that is not the way Jesus would have us be.

He tells us all of our communication is to bring grace to the hearers.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29

Life Giving words are always the place where Grace and Truth meet each other.

Lovingkindness and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed each other.

Psalm 85:10

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. ² Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.

Romans 15:1-2

For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.

John 1:17

Life giving words reflect the truth of God and the Grace of God in full measure.

Life giving words never ultimately tear down a person though they often tear them away from wrong behavior.

They always give grace to others without sacrificing truth.

They are the voice of Jesus through us, drawing out of others what God sees in them.

That is the gift of encouragement God has put in us to give to others.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

I Thessalonians 5:11

TO BE UNITED WITH CHRIST MEANS WE ARE ENCOURAGERS

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like‑minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:1-4

WE ENCOURAGE AS A RESULT OF OUR OF COMMITMENT

I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Colossians 2:1-2

ENCOURAGEMENT BRINGS AND BUILDS AND UNITY

Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.“ For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. . . . the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:2-7

ENCOURAGEMENT GROWS OUT OF LOVE

I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds. For when we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn‑‑conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me, so that my joy was greater than ever.         

2 Corinthians 7:4-6

ENCOURAGE OTHERS DAILY

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today . . .

Hebrews 3:13

ENCOURAGE THOSE WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH SELF CONFIDENCE

And we urge you, brothers, . . . encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

I Thessalonians 5:14

DON'T BE AFRAID TO PRAISE - GOD COMMANDS IT

Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:31

GOD COMMANDS OTHERS NOT TO PRAISE THEMSELVES IF YOU DON'T PRAISE THEM WHO WILL?

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.

Proverbs 27:2

DON'T JUST THINK IT - SAY IT!

 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Proverbs 27:5

ENCOURAGE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT NOT OUTWARD THINGS WHICH OTHERS HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR

Similarly, encourage the young men to be self‑controlled.

Titus 2:6

FOCUS ON THE GOOD - THEN SAY IT TO THE PERSON IN WHOM YOU SEE IT! 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable‑‑if anything is excellent or praiseworthy‑‑think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

ESPECIALLY ENCOURAGE THOSE WHO WORK CLOSEST WITH YOU

But your assistant, Joshua son of Nun, will enter it. encourage him, because he will lead Israel to inherit it.

Deuteronomy 1:38

REWARD FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS WITH PRAISE

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. 2 I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the teachings, just as I passed them on to you.

I Corinthians 11:1

REWARD A JOB WELL DONE WITH PRAISE

"`Well done, my good servant!' his master replied. `Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.'

Luke 19:17  

COMMUNICATE GOOD NEWS ABOUT THE WORK YOU ARE DOING TOGETHER

Tychicus, the dear brother and faithful servant in the Lord, will tell you everything, so that you also may know how I am and what I am doing. 22 I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are, and that he may encourage you.

Ephesians 6:21

SHARE YOUR VISION OF THE FUTURE

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage each other with these words.

I Thessalonians 4:16

SHARE WHAT GOD IS TEACHING YOU TO MAKE YOU A MORE EFFECTIVE WORKER FOR HIM

. . . encourage others by sound doctrine. . .

Titus 1:9

PRINCIPLE:

Our mouths speak what is in our hearts

"The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.

Luke 6:45

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Philippians 4:8

 

Speaking the Truth in Love Part 2 Odcf Sunday Nov 25 2012

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

The life of a Christian is based on giving. Perhaps the most important communication of the Bible centres on the greatest act of giving in history:

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
John 3:1

Giving like this is not something we expect in this world. It seems almost too good to be true. But it is true. The God of the heavens gave Jesus for us. From the moment humans alienated themselves from His nature His plan was to once again grant the possibility of come back into full relationship with Him. This was accomplished by Him giving….. giving His own Son – Jesus – for us.

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.7 For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die.8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:6-8

But in the real world I find that when one person gives so massively to another what can happen is the person receiving can become selfish…..
It seems counterintuitive that it should be so. Our modern way of looking at the world strongly, if not dogmatically, says that when we are generous with others they become generous. There is a kind of genius to this logic. But unfortunately history does not bear it out. What often, almost always, happens is when one person is extraordinarily generous with someone the other person often becomes unthankful for what they are so freely receiving.

We find that God often tells us He does not need anything from us.

"I shall take no young bull out of your house Nor male goats out of your folds. 10 "For every beast of the forest is Mine, The cattle on a thousand hills. 11 "I know every bird of the mountains, And everything that moves in the field is Mine. 12 "If I were hungry I would not tell you, For the world is Mine, and all it contains. 13 "Shall I eat the flesh of bulls Or drink the blood of male goats. 14 "Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving And pay your vows to the Most High;

Psalm 50:9-14

Yet He askes us to give to Him throughout the Bible.

It is clear that God's asking us to give to Him is for another reason than something He needs.

I believe the reasons God asks us to give to Him are the same reasons we as parents need to ask our children to give to us.

They are the same reasons why spouses need to give to each other.

They are why friends need to give to each other.

They are the reasons why employee – employer relationships need to be based on mutual giving.

They are even why nations need to share their commerce with each other in an equal way.

The first reason God requires of us to give to Him is to make us like Him.

I really did not understand this principle until several of my seven children were grown. It came like a bolt of lightning one day as my wife was sharing with me that one of the children could not bother getting anyone a present for Christmas. We had always been extremely generous with our children at Christmas time. They had all been given to as much as we were financially able. So why was it that most of them were not very generous in their gift giving in return? I realized that this was not only the case with our children but with many other children of very generous families.

I also thought of some of the adults I knew that were extremely generous but had spouses or friends who were not reciprocal in that generosity. As I considered this I clearly saw that some of the most selfish people I knew were in a relationship where the other was giving very generously to them.

It occurred to me that I thought people would learn generosity from others being generous to them. That day I realized they did not. That realization brought me into a clear understanding of why God requires, actually commands, us to give to Him.

While I could say it was a eureka moment, it was really more of a DUH moment. I mean anyone who has a little common sense knows the only way anyone ever learns is by doing something. We never learn anything by just having someone tell us to do it. We never learn when others do what we are supposed to learn for or to us. We learn when we do what we are supposed to learn ourselves. We get better at it the more we practice it.

For instance every year as a kindergarten teacher I struggle with a simple task I want the children to learn….. to tie their shoes. Having to tie twenty to thirty shoes every recess and before going home can take up a considerable amount of time. For this reason almost as soon as they show up in class my objective is to get my students to tie their shoes by themselves.

I imagine you know that they will never learn as long as I tie them for them. I can point out on a chart the pattern they have to follow to get it done. I can personally demonstrate the process by doing it for them. Don’t misunderstand, both of these things are important to start them down the road of shoe tying. But ultimately they will never learn to tie them unless they do it themselves!

So there was my DUH moment. Generous parents don’t raise generous children unless they teach them to give and make many opportunities for them to do so. In fact if they do not require their children to give to others and even to their parents they will be spoiled by the generosity of the parents.

This is the same with God.

God is the ultimate giver. But He is also very wise. He knows the way we will learn to be a giver like Him will be to see His generosity and then require us to be the same way.

He knows this simple truth:

Acts 20:35 "In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

Why is it more blessed to give than receive? Because in doing so we actually learn to be givers and thus become like God.

A second reason is very close to and grows out of the first. God asks us to give to Him to build a relationship that is healthy with Him and with each other.

Sadly I have noticed that most human relationships are not equal in this area. What tends to happen is one of the members of the relationship gives far more than the other. It seems that relationships tend to gravitate to this end very naturally. One ends up primarily a giver. The other ends up primarily a taker. The one with the least commitment to the relationship is always the taker.

Everyone who is reading this blog will most likely say they are the giver but are you really? Ask God to reveal to you the truth. An unequal relationship in this area is not healthy for either partners.

Of course the most important relationship we have is with God. When we are not givers to God the relationship with Him becomes one sided and extremely shallow.

From this we also understand that in our human relationships we give to demonstrate God’s love for them and to build relationships that are mutual and healthy with them:

The remedy for one sided relationships is for the giver and the taker to learn how God wants them to give.

The giver may have to step back from being the primary giver. In fact they may need to start asking the other to give to them. Certainly they will need to ask God first before they give to know that it is what He wants them to do.

The taker needs to learn to not be selfish and to give to the other as God desires. Both need to practice their giving as primarily directed towards God..... to give with no strings attached.

That last sentence is so vital. No strings attached. God does not give to us for any reason other than He loves us. He even gives to His enemies. He expects us to do the same.

Luke 6:35 "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil {men.}

Why? So matter who we give to our giving can be an act of love first to God and then to the ones to whom we are giving. When we give to receive we set ourselves up for bitterness if the person does not respond. We also will give too much. When we give to others if we are giving to God first we will be freed from the strings of expectation. Though we are placing those strings on others they end up binding us. When we give to God we are giving without expectation:

"So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.

"But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees {what is done} in secret will reward you. Matt 6:2-4

I am always seeking how we can bring our lives in line with the reality in which the bible says we are to live in. Ultimately that reality is to be like God in our character, attitude and heart.

Here is a very clear and practical way the Bible says we can do that – by giving to God and others. Not to get anything back and not to impress anyone with anything except the wonderful reality of the God who first gave to us.

Pursuing God

“On my bed night after night I sought him
Whom my soul loves;
I sought him but did not find him.
² ‘I must arise now and go about the city;
In the streets and in the squares
I must seek him whom my soul loves.’
I sought him but did not find him.
³ “The watchmen who make the rounds in the city found me,
And I said, ‘Have you seen him whom my soul loves?’
⁴ “Scarcely had I left them
When I found him whom my soul loves;
I held on to him and would not let him go
Until I had brought him to my mother’s house,
And into the room of her who conceived me.”
Song of Solomon 3:1-4

Rarely do I hear anyone describing their relationship with God as a pursuit. In fact I hear many declaring that to pursue God is vain. I hear many saying that we must not think that our pursuit of God will result in anything since He will thwart all attempts by humans to pursue Him lest they think they had anything to do at all with their salvation......

Yet this is not the picture God has painted of our relationship with Him in His three infallible Words -- the Bible, history or creation.

In this first passage we see a love sick woman passionately seeking the one who her soul loves. In desperation she even opens herself to potential harm to seek him. Once she found him she would not let him go until she had brought him into an intimate place with her.

Seeking to redirect the intense sexual nature of the Song of Songs, as it is called in Hebrew, the church said it was an allegorical picture of Jesus and His Church. I would say that God intended it to reflect the relationship between a man and woman in love first. It does reflect our relationship with Him as well but not as an allegory but as an analogy -- as it is with this man and woman in their love for each other so it is with Jesus and His Church -- Us!

So we all know that pursuit is an essential aspect of romantic love. One of the biggest problems married couples face is taking each other for granted. The passion of intimacy is not fanned by entitlement. It is fanned by gratefulness for each other. It is fanned by continuing to pursue one another. Pursuing a deeper place of knowing each other.Pursuing a deeper place of intimacy with each other. Pursuing time together. Pursuing each other's pleasure. Pursuing serving each other.

Relationships begin to die when either partner quits pursuing the other. They never live unless both pursue each other.

We have been given the concept that God is the only one who pursues...... That leaves the possibilty that we start to see ourselves in a wrong way - that we become like selfish "important" people who everyone else gives to but to whom we give nothing.

In a love relationship on earth when one pursues and the other does not we create a horrible relationship that either actually is or at least borders on emotionally abusive...

No lover wants to pursue without eventually being pursued.

 As in the Song of Songs both the man and the woman pursue each other. One hides for a time until the other pursues........ with each pursuit passion rises. So it is in our souls with God.

As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God.
Psalm 42:1

It is absolutely true that God pursues us first but what turns the relationship into passion in our hearts is when we start to long for Him......

When we start to pursue Him.....

When as a deer pants after the vital water in the dry season, without which they will die......

when our soul longs after Him in that same way.....

No longer being pursued but desperately pursuing Him in response to His pursuit of us.....

That's when our hearts are transformed......

That's when we come to truely Love him like He loves us..... 

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord,
Jeremiah 29:13

We find God only when we pursue Him with all of our being.

My friend Liz Hayward said it so elequently:

“We never grow closer to God when we just live life. It takes deliberate pursuit and attentiveness.”

As we pursue Him with our whole being we find the power granted to us to follow His ways.

With all my heart I have sought You;
Do not let me wander from Your commandments.

Psalm 119:10

When we pursue Him with our whole being is when the beauty of holiness fills our hearts. We are holy "set apart" for only Him. We have no other paramours we are pursuing...... only One can fill the place inside of us that He created to fill.

Just as it is between lovers, a passive receptance of the other's love leads to emptiness. when both passionately pursue the other is when love happens.