Tuesday, January 24, 2012
ANTI-SEMITISM AND THE CHURCH
You can hear this talk here: http://www.odcf.ca/index.cfm?i=11810&mid=18&g=40109
In considering the topic of Anti-semitism in general we immediately face some challenges.
In my mind the worst way to consider it is to take the immense suffering of the children of Isaac throughout history and reduce it to a simple answer why.
This week during the bad snow storm one of my friend's daughter was killed in the horrific car pile up on the 402 near Sarnia.
Even if they knew all the reasons their daughter died the grieving parents will never be satisfied to just know the facts.
Though they want the facts, Far more important is they want for others to know the preciousness of their child.
They want others to know the joy they had in their child and the unfathomable depth of grief they hold in their hearts at their loss.
Even if they had a difficult relationship with their child (which they didn't) in the stark reality of death, because they are loving parents, their thoughts would not be fixed on the conflict they had. It would be on the love they continue to hold.
When we look at the perceived causes of anti Semitism we find that there are many.
But all of them relate to Abraham's relationship to God.
Genesis 12
1 Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go forth from your country,
And from your relatives
And from your father's house,
To the land which I will show you;2 And I will make you a great nation,
And I will bless you,
And make your name great;
And so you shall be a blessing; 3 And I will bless those who bless you,
And the one who curses you I will curse.
And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed."
But God said, "No, but Sarah your wife will bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac; and I will establish My covenant with him for an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.
Genesis 17:19
Ultimately the fulfillment of God's promised covenant with Abraham and Sarah was to bear witness to the reality, character and saving work of God.
The focus of that call led to the birth, life and resurrection of Jesus.
This understanding gives us perhaps the most important reason for the suffering of the Jewish nation.
The enemy of God has always sought to destroy that which God loves.
Further he has always sought to destroy the life of word of God.
From Abraham what ever has contained the life of Jesus has been persecuted.
For this reason as we consider the evil of anti-Semitism we must understand God's heart toward the children of Abraham and Sarah.
But Zion said, "the LORD has forsaken me, and the Lord has forgotten me."
15 "can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.
16 "behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are continually before me.
Isaiah 49:14-16 (NASB)
We all understand the love a mother holds for her nursing child. No one harms the child without first harming her. While there are some women who would not do so most mothers would die themselves rather than let their child be killed. A good mother's love is perhaps the greatest love possible in human hearts. They love regardless of the condition of their child's heart toward them. A good mother never forgets her child.
Through Isaiah God tells us that his love for Israel is greater than the best mother on the planet. It is so deep that he will never forget them and to make sure he never does he has purposefully scared his hands with the sign of his love for them. Every moment of his life he embraces them. He will never forget them.
Another deeply moving affirmation of his love is found in the writings of Jeremiah.
Thus says the LORD,
Who gives the sun for light by day
And the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night,
Who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar;
The LORD of hosts is His name:"If this fixed order departs
From before Me," declares the LORD,
"Then the offspring of Israel also will cease
From being a nation before Me forever." Thus says the LORD,
"If the heavens above can be measured And the foundations of the earth searched out below,
Then I will also cast off all the offspring of Israel
For all that they have done," declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 31:35-37 (NASB)
God created the fixed order of the universe. We look at the majesty and the complexity of the universe and as far as we can see it's laws remain faithfully in place. The sun, moon and stars follow their set courses without fail. They continually speak of the faithfulness of the one who created them and set them in motion.
They are an awesome object lesson about God's ways. And what do the proclaim every day they continue? That God will never forget or forsake his ancient people.
The first principle we must have rooted and grounded in our hearts is that no matter what Israel has ever done God's heart remains forever bound to her. Even in his anger towards her actions he loves her forever and will never turn his back on the plans he has for her.
Further we can never accurately interpret the Bible unless we do so fully understanding God's heart for the children of His friends Abraham and Sarah.
If you are at all acquainted with the history of anti-Semitism you will know I just countered one of the strongest justifications for specifically "Christian" acts of hatred towards Jewish people.
Often in moments of violence against Jewish people living in Europe the cry rang out, "Christ Killers." This phrase and its underlying heart of revenge was a primary blinder to the church seeing the horror of their own hearts.
It not only blinded the church to the evil being done before their very eyes but it also fueled the fires of the holocaust. It gave the rationalization for why Jewish people could be treated as they were without conscience.
History bears record that Hitler was not a misguided fanatic who believed his mission was to take revenge on Jewish people for their part in the killing of Jesus. Nor does it say that even the church was convinced he was doing so.
But it was used as the rationalization for Christians to overlook what was really happening.
The tragic history of this thinking in the church did not start with Hitler. It was there almost from the beginning.
Justin Martyr - Dialogue with Trypho (Between 138A.D. and 161 A.D.)
We too, would observe your circumcision of the flesh, your Sabbath days, and in a word, all your festivals, if we were not aware of the reason why they were imposed upon you, namely, because of your sins and the hardness of heart. The custom of circumcising the flesh, handed down from Abraham, was given to you as a distinguishing mark, to set you off from other nations and from us Christians. The purpose of this was that you and only you might suffer the afflictions that are now justly yours; that only your land be desolated, and you cities ruined by fire, that the fruits of you land be eaten by strangers before your very eyes; that not one of you be permitted to enter your city of Jerusalem. Your circumcision of the flesh is the only mark by which you can certainly be distinguished from other men…as I stated before it was by reason of your sins and the sins of your fathers that, among other precepts, God imposed upon you the observance of the Sabbath as a mark.
http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
The clear evidence of the hostility and the theological arguments made to justify that hostility are both found in this early anti-Semitic text from one of the earliest writings we have besides the New Testament.
An even earlier writing shows that just after the last apostle died the concept that the church had taken the place of Israel was common place.
"Epistle of Barnabas" Chapter 4vs 6-7 (between 130A.D. and 138 A.D.)
Take heed to yourselves and be not like some piling up your sins and saying that the covenant is theirs as well as ours. It is ours, but they lost it completely just after Moses received it.
http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
Building on a vein of anti-Semitism in the early church the fullness of that evil came in the later centuries.
Origen of Alexandria (185-254 A.D.)
We may thus assert in utter confidence that the Jews will not return to their earlier situation, for they have committed the most abominable of crimes, in forming this conspiracy against the Savior of the human race…hence the city where Jesus suffered was necessarily destroyed, the Jewish nation was driven from its country, and another people was called by God to the blessed election.
http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
John Chrysostom (344-407 A.D.)
The synagogue is worse than a brothel…it is the den of scoundrels and the repair of wild beasts…the temple of demons devoted to idolatrous cults…the refuge of brigands and dabauchees, and the cavern of devils. It is a criminal assembly of Jews…a place of meeting for the assassins of Christ… a house worse than a drinking shop…a den of thieves, a house of ill fame, a dwelling of iniquity, the refuge of devils, a gulf and a abyss of perdition."…"I would say the same things about their souls… As for me, I hate the synagogue…I hate the Jews for the same reason.
http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
Peter the Venerable - From "The Roots of Christian Anti-Semitism" by Malcolm Hay
Yes, you Jews. I say, do I address you; you, who till this very day, deny the Son of God. How long, poor wretches, will ye not believe the truth? Truly I doubt whether a Jew can be really human… I lead out from its den a monstrous animal, and show it as a laughing stock in the amphitheater of the world, in the sight of all the people. I bring thee forward, thou Jew, thou brute beast, in the sight of all men.http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
While the Catholic Church through the inquisition and the Crusades killed many Jewish people, an even deeper hatred was being formed in the heart of the first leader of the Reformation. I believe that hatred directly set the path for the killing of over six million Jewish people.
Martin Luther – 1543 - The Jews and Their Lies
What then shall we Christians do with this damned, rejected race of Jews? Since they live among us and we know about their lying and blasphemy and cursing, we can not tolerate them if we do not wish to share in their lies, curses, and blasphemy. In this way we cannot quench the inextinguishable fire of divine rage nor convert the Jews. We must prayerfully and reverentially practice a merciful severity. Perhaps we may save a few from the fire and flames [of hell]. We must not seek vengeance. They are surely being punished a thousand times more than we might wish them. Let me give you my honest advice. First, their synagogues should be set on fire, and whatever does not burn up should be covered or spread over with dirt so that no one may ever be able to see a cinder or stone of it. And this ought to be done for the honor of God and of Christianity in order that God may see that we are Christians, and that we have not wittingly tolerated or approved of such public lying, cursing, and blaspheming of His Son and His Christians. Secondly, their homes should likewise be broken down and destroyed. For they perpetrate the same things there that they do in their synagogues. For this reason they ought to be put under one roof or in a stable, like gypsies, in order that they may realize that they are not masters in our land, as they boast, but miserable captives, as they complain of incessantly before God with bitter wailing. Thirdly, they should be deprived of their prayer-books and Talmuds in which such idolatry, lies, cursing, and blasphemy are taught. Fourthly, their rabbis must be forbidden under threat of death to teach any more... Fifthly, passport and traveling privileges should be absolutely forbidden to the Jews. For they have no business in the rural districts since they are not nobles, nor officials, nor merchants, nor the like. Let them stay at home...If you princes and nobles do not close the road legally to such exploiters, then some troop ought to ride against them, for they will learn from this pamphlet what the Jews are and how to handle them and that they ought not to be protected. You ought not, you cannot protect them, unless in the eyes of God you want to share all their abomination… To sum up, dear princes and nobles who have Jews in your domains, if this advice of mine does not suit you, then find a better one so that you and we may all be free of this insufferable devilish burden - the Jews...
http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
Martin Luther – 1543 - Of The Unknowable Name and The Generations of Christ
Even if they were punished in the most gruesome manner that the streets ran with their blood, that their dead would be counted, not in the hundred thousands, but in the millions, as happened under Vespasian in Jerusalem and for evil under Hadrian, still they must insist on being right even if after these 1,500 years they were in misery another 1,500 years, still God must be a liar and they must be correct. In sum, they are the devil's children, damned to Hell...
http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
John Calvin - A Response To Questions and Objections of a Certain Jew
Their [the Jews] rotten and unbending stiffneckedness deserves that they be oppressed unendingly and without measure or end and that they die in their misery without the pity of anyone.
http://www.yashanet.com/library/fathers.htm
These quotes are only a small set of a much larger movement in the church that is rightly called anti-Semitic. You see clearly in them what later happened. The paralysis of the church to act in the holocaust was set in place long before it ever happened.
It is doubtful that Hitler could have ever done what he did had the church had God's heart for His people. In fact it is at least legitimate to say that in some measure the attitude of church was a major factor in causing the Holocaust .
Yet many in the present time would say that the roots of anti-Semitism are found in even earlier writings – the scriptures themselves.
Many people have used the scripture to justify extreme anti-Semitism. This has led to many claiming that the scriptures themselves are the basis of anti-Semitism.
Certain passages have been taken out of the context of the whole teaching of the Bible – both Old and New Testament – and have been used to foster hatred towards Jewish people. Martin
Luther is a perfect example of this. He said,
"the Jews too got what they deserved. They had been called and elected to be God's mouth as Jeremiah says...Open your mouth wide and I will fill it; they however, kept tightly closed their muzzles, eyes, ears, nose, whole heart and all senses, so he polluted and squirted them so full that it oozes from them in all places and devil's filth comes from them. Yes, that tastes good to them, into their hearts, they smack their lips like swine. That is how they want it. Call more: 'crucify him, crucify him.' Scream more: 'his blood come upon us and our children.' (Matthew 27:25) I mean it came and found you…"
http://www.Yashanet.Com/library/fathers.Htm
It is true, as we see in this writing of Martin Luther that some scriptures have been used in a deeply hateful way towards God's chosen people. For this reason we must look at the whole of scripture to understand the ones that have been used for hate as God actually intended them for love.
To fully understand God's communication the whole of the Bible needs to be considered.
Many scriptures in the Bible which need to be considered when reading other passages are often forgotten or changed in their clear meaning. The result is a twisting of the meaning of scripture. This ends in an imbalance in interpretation.
In this way the scriptures themselves can and have been used to promote hatred, violence, oppression and in our present topic anti-Semitism.
The only way we can accurately understand those scriptures which appear to support hatred of Jewish people is by understanding God's heart towards them as revealed in other parts of the Bible.
For example, Paul has been pointed to as being the source of most of the anti-Semitic theology of the New Testament. Yet listen to God's heart in him for his nation.
I am telling the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience testifies with me in the Holy Spirit, 2 that I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh, who are Israelites, to whom belongs the adoption as sons, and the glory and the covenants and the giving of the Law and the temple service and the promises, whose are the fathers, and from whom is the Christ according to the flesh, who is over all, God blessed forever. Amen.
Romans 9:1-5
Every passage Paul has written has to be understood with this one in mind. Whatever he says must be interpreted through the lens of God's love which he states perfectly here.
If we do not interpret all scripture with the love spoken in this passage for the people of Israel it will be true that those other passages will become and have been anti-Semitic.
I say then, God has not rejected His people, has He? May it never be! For I too am an Israelite, a descendant of Abraham, of the tribe of Benjamin. 2 God has not rejected His people whom He foreknew.
Romans 11:1-2 (NASB)
Paul rejects the already developing concept in the church that it has superseded Israel in God's plan. It has not and never will.
But it is vital to us to understand that the relationship God has with Israel is the actual basis by which we can understand our own relationship with Him.
I have often said that one of the strongest rational reasons to believe in the reality of God as the Bible presents Him is the nation that came from Abraham and Sarah's union.
In spite of the terrible suffering, persecution and exile from their homeland the nation of Israel has never ceased to be cared for by the God who revealed Himself to Abraham and Sarah thousands of years ago.
When God first gave the promise to them that their children would number as the sand of the seashore and the stars in the heavens someone could have accused them of religious delusions.
But we know from our vantage point in history that what this couple said God told them He would do, He has done.
He has done it in spite of almost never ending acts of hatred done against them.
Their national suffering rivals any that has ever been done against any nation. They have been scattered throughout the world, exiled twice for centuries.
Yet God has continually kept them "as the apple of His eye."
The resettlement of the land of Israel stands as one of the greatest testimonies of what we believe about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob – that He is faithful to do what He has promised.
For the church to believe that somehow God would go back on His promise to Abraham and Sarah and choose the church in place of Israel undermines the very foundation of our faith in the promise He made to us.
Antisemitism and the Church
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Heaven is Now!
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might 20 which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.
Ephesians 1:18-21 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
After Jesus was resurrected he went to heaven and is presently seated at the right hand of the majesty of God. His position there is far above the effects of this life. He lives in an eternal union with God. Nothing on this earth can harm him. Nothing on this earth can take away his joy in God. Nothing on this earth can take him from peace. He lives in the perpetual reality of heaven.
Yet the astounding thing is that the Bible says that in his being there we also are there.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 2:4-7 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
We are told that Jesus has been raised up from death. We are told that we have been raised from death as well. We are told that Jesus is presently seated in heavenly places. We are told that we are also presently seated with him in heavenly places.
While it is true that one day we will pass from this physical life and never again face the ravages of sin in us or others. Yet in a very real way we need not wait in eager expectation for the fullness of heaven in our lives. It is already here.
I know that sounds a bit strange and in one way it has to be experienced to be understood. So all my communication is for is to encourage you to believe what the Bible says.
In the quietness before dawn today I began my day with my creator. I have done this most of my life. On many of those days I have known the reality that Paul spoke of in our two scriptures we read before. In fact there have been times where I felt I was being, like he was, caught up into heaven. In those moments I have understood, though in a limited way, the bliss of an eternal relationship. I have found myself in a place here and now where I felt heaven was so close that I could just step over into it. At times I have felt I did step over and lived to tell of it.
One particular day it was as if I was on its outskirts. I was hearing a music that was infused into my whole being. It was the most wonderful sound I had ever known. An amazing part of this vision was the light. As I looked around there were no shadows. The light was perfect and surrounded everything. But the most wonderful thing is exactly what I have always known when I have experienced the reality of already being seated in heavenly places - a peace, joy and love like nothing that could ever exist on this planet.
Far above...... the scripture says. Far above everything that steals and destroys. far above hatred, strife and rebellion. Far above the cares, distractions and sorrows of this vale of tears. Far above my own sin.
I have not had to die physically for this reality to invade my soul.
I will more fully know it one day and what a glorious day that will be.
But today I can know it as well. I am with him already. Heaven is now.
Ephesians 1:18-21 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
After Jesus was resurrected he went to heaven and is presently seated at the right hand of the majesty of God. His position there is far above the effects of this life. He lives in an eternal union with God. Nothing on this earth can harm him. Nothing on this earth can take away his joy in God. Nothing on this earth can take him from peace. He lives in the perpetual reality of heaven.
Yet the astounding thing is that the Bible says that in his being there we also are there.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 2:4-7 New American Standard Bible (NASB)
We are told that Jesus has been raised up from death. We are told that we have been raised from death as well. We are told that Jesus is presently seated in heavenly places. We are told that we are also presently seated with him in heavenly places.
While it is true that one day we will pass from this physical life and never again face the ravages of sin in us or others. Yet in a very real way we need not wait in eager expectation for the fullness of heaven in our lives. It is already here.
I know that sounds a bit strange and in one way it has to be experienced to be understood. So all my communication is for is to encourage you to believe what the Bible says.
In the quietness before dawn today I began my day with my creator. I have done this most of my life. On many of those days I have known the reality that Paul spoke of in our two scriptures we read before. In fact there have been times where I felt I was being, like he was, caught up into heaven. In those moments I have understood, though in a limited way, the bliss of an eternal relationship. I have found myself in a place here and now where I felt heaven was so close that I could just step over into it. At times I have felt I did step over and lived to tell of it.
One particular day it was as if I was on its outskirts. I was hearing a music that was infused into my whole being. It was the most wonderful sound I had ever known. An amazing part of this vision was the light. As I looked around there were no shadows. The light was perfect and surrounded everything. But the most wonderful thing is exactly what I have always known when I have experienced the reality of already being seated in heavenly places - a peace, joy and love like nothing that could ever exist on this planet.
Far above...... the scripture says. Far above everything that steals and destroys. far above hatred, strife and rebellion. Far above the cares, distractions and sorrows of this vale of tears. Far above my own sin.
I have not had to die physically for this reality to invade my soul.
I will more fully know it one day and what a glorious day that will be.
But today I can know it as well. I am with him already. Heaven is now.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Conflict, Relationships and Leadership
Iron sharpens iron,
So one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17 (NASB)
One of my earliest jobs was in an automobile paint shop called Earl Shiebs. We painted cars for under $19! Needless to say the quality of the paint job was not the best but still we did a fairly good job for such a low price. We also did some body work. That is where I began to learn to use a body grinder. To get rid of the rust or to give the body putty a firm foundation you have to grind metal till it shines like a mirror. The best way to do it is with a grinder.
The great thing for a young guy just starting to a life long relationship with cars was all the fire and sparks. When a good grinder hits the metal the whole shop lights up.
Iron sharpens Iron - So one man sharpens another. That is the same.
We all know a bit about the sparks that come with the sharpening of each other.
CONFLICT IS THE FRICTION OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT LETS THEM BE SHARPENED.
If there was no friction my grinder would do nothing to the metal I touched it with.
Even when I wrote the word conflict above many of us felt a slight queasiness in the pit of our stomach. Many of us have a history with conflict that is not pleasant. In fact most of us have had a training process that has left us wounded beyond what we think will never heal. How can we view conflict as a positive and life building process?
I know well of what I speak since I have been one of those who find it almost impossible to deal with conflict.
It started very early in my life. I learned that relationships are so fragile that at the first sign of any conflict they were over. Not only was I taught that by words I saw it constantly around me. My family was rife with divorce. When divorce came it was not just between parents. The parents disappeared from the children as well.
The grounds for these divorces were all the smallest conflicts that today seem so trivial to me. Yet there it was. Have a little fight and even the most important relationships in life are over..... forever.....
Now for those who live in families that stay together don't think that you did not learn some of the same things I did through other means. I have sat on the other side of the counselling chair with countless partners who stayed married but live lives of silence because they cannot resolve even the smallest conflicts without falling into a passivity so deep it rivals being dead.
FIGHT OR FLIGHT.....
A simple look at the world we share with animals and a close look at our own behaviour will show us that most of us get conditioned to deal with conflict in one of two ways. We either fight or we flee.
So much of our behaviour is in one of these two modes. Underlying both is the idea that conflict must be resolved for life to go on. We believe that relationships cannot exist in a state of conflict without someone doing something to quickly bring it to a resolution. Perhaps the greatest motivator to resolve conflict in an ineffective way is the fear of losing the relationship we have with loved ones.
This is not an imaginary threat. When conflict arose in my parental home relationships did end permanently. Our family fled. I have seen relationships supposedly continue through fear of anger violence and physical abuse. But they are just as permanently over as our fleeing ones were.
I have even seen the bible used to justify forcing one person in the relationship to submit to the will of the other's in a display of supposed relational bliss that meant one person had to die in the process. The temptation to even see this as referring to the death to selfishness the bible rightly proclaims over all of us is almost irresistible. But it is not a biblical truth. It is just fleeing.....
As I have seen it almost all these things happen as a response to conflict.
But today I am sure that conflict is not the real reason. In fact today I would say that conflict can be one of the most positive ways to be transformed in our character and to find God's will for our lives.
I am sure if I had read these words twenty years ago I would have said the person was either terribly innocent of the terror of conflict or they were insane.
I am now convinced that the quality of the relationship is really the problem.
Conflict just demonstrates its quality.
When a relationship is based on mutual self-giving love that is committed for life conflict becomes the means by which God sharpens us.
If conflict does anything else we need not try to resolve the conflict. We need to find why the conflict is destroying us.
That is a process for sure but it does have a beginning. The beginning is when we will allow God to penetrate all our defenses and make us teachable. We can be sharpened by others if we are willing to learn what the conflicts we have with them are meant to do.
Let's look at one way I have seen this to be the case.
Dominate / Subordinate relationships are always destructive to both.
Now when I say this people will think that I am saying all relationships involving authority are destructive. Again this is a misunderstanding of the purpose of authority relationships. Authority relationships are meant to guide and direct the activity of two or more people to a common purpose or activity. That is why Jesus said the one who is to be the leader needs to be a server.
And He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ 26 But it is not this way with you, but the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant. 27 For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.
Luke 22:25-27 (NASB)
Leadership is not getting our way. It is serving one or more people in a way that we find God's plan and specific direction for our lives together.
It is very much like driving a car. Someone has to do it and our lives are in that someone's hands but their motivation and our understanding of that motivation needs to be one of mutual care before we ever get into the car. If we find it is not then we need to press the conflict until we either get them to stop and let us out of the car - like finding out they are intoxicated after they start driving. Or until they respond to our part of the plans for the road trip.
That we have the power of the steering wheel does not mean we are given it to fulfill our dreams, desires, plans, intentions and so forth without reference to our passengers or most of all God. However even in saying that about God one of the ways I have seen many Christian authorities deal with conflict is to deify their own desires so that anyone who has a different idea about where the car is going and how it should be driven is really opposing God. There is that balance that must include conflict to be found. If I drive the car only where and how others want me to I have abandoned my God given responsibility to lead. If I listen only to my own thoughts and drive only as and where I want to I misuse the authority I have been given. If I make myself infallible and believe that I don't need anyone's input except God I will have blinded myself and will never hear from God at all.
My pastor often says to people who will not be accountable to anyone except God, "if the only one you listen to is God soon God will sound just like you!"
So the whole point I am making here is that authority in its proper place has a good end. But it will involve conflict. In this context I will say the point again concerning one outcome of a wrong understanding of conflict:
Dominate / Subordinate relationships are always destructive to both.
In this case conflict is seen in a fight/flight perspective in which one fights to get their way and one flees to keep the relationship and to avoid harm.
The only way to heal this kind of a relationship is to use conflict to challenge us to deeper mutual love.
That sounds a bit harsh but I believe it is the foundation of all wrong understanding of the nature of conflict and the use or avoidance of conflict.
Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; 30 AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.’ 31 The second is this, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:29-31 (NASB)
If we love God with all our heart we will want to follow Him fully. The rest of the bible tells us we cannot find that in isolation. We will only find it in relationship with others. And those relationships that will be the most important to finding His will for us will also be the ones which will have the greatest conflict. We will not be sharpened without it.
If we love our neighbor as ourselves then we will not fight or flee in conflict. We will love them enough to let them know through our words and deeds our perspective on our shared lives. We will love them enough not to fight or flee when they share with us theirs.
When two people have a deep mutual respect and love for each other, one can be in a leader role without it becoming a dominate / submissive relationship. Both will have a freedom to express themselves without fear of reprisal or abandonment. These two actions are why conflict is seen as a fearful or destructive.
We can begin to heal from our tendency to fight or flee and thus continuing to build unhealthy relationships by using conflict in a positive way.
But how do we use conflict positively?
First by understanding it as being only an indicator. It is not wrong to have conflict between us. It will be in a healthy relationship. it will be in an unhealthy relationship. If there is no conflict in a relationship one partner in the relationship is dead! But we can use the way we or others respond to conflict to indicate the potential for health or disease. It is the response to conflict not the conflict that is the problem.
Conflict as an indicator can be a way to protect ourselves and others. If we see ourselves or those we are in relationship with responding in fight or flight we need to go deeper to really see if the relationship is even meant to be. If we are not yet in a relationship with them it can keep us out of a destructive one.
I would tell anyone considering entering in a relationship with a person who mainfests a strong need to resolve conflict through fighting or fleeing to reconsider. If we or they constantly fight to deal with conflict we can be sure we will have an unhealthy relationship with them. If we or they flee constantly the relationship will always be insecure. Both conditions are miserable.
Secondly we can see conflict as an opportunity to walk in humility. If we think we are always right we will never listen to those we are in relationship with. Sincerely listening to the other person is one of the greatest acts of love and respect you can give them.
If we know that we need other people's perspective to find God's will for our lives we will be ready to listen to them. Our conflict with them will always turn destructive when we do not listen to them. Even if we do not fully implement their perspective the act of listening will disarm the idea that conflict will always mean rejection.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19 (NIV)
Another way to use conflict positively is to not demand it be resolved to still be in a positive relationship.
This is so important. I cannot understate how rewarding it is to live in it nor how hard it is to find the place it lives.
Our brains are hardwired to deal with conflict in a fight or flee way. To go against both these impulses is extremely difficult. But the reward for doing so is amazing.
To have a relationship not based on aggression or passivity due to a response to conflict is wonderful beyond words.
One night as I had been asking what the answer to the dilemma of my own response to conflict I heard in my heart, "It is neither fight nor flight but STAND."
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians 6:13 (NIV)
Another positive aspect conflict is that letting the tension of unresolved conflict simply remain is a wonderful way to grow a relationship.
When we are mutually committed to loving and staying in our relationships we will find that deep conflict can enhance our lives together. But we need to let the conflict work its sharpening work and not try to continually resolve it by fleeing or fighting. The stand position is the powerful one. It says we have a conflict. It says the conflict will not destroy our relationship unless we fight or flee. It says I will not flee or fight but will hold my perspective with respect for God and the person I am in conflict with.
For instance in our marriage Carie and I are very different in our perspective on finances. She tends to be more willing to spend than me. If I fix this conflict by demanding my own way I become tighter and tighter until I am nothing more than an old miser. On the other hand, if I flee and don't help her to have boundaries and limits we would be broke! The tension of the unresolved conflict is actually the way we both grow and the will of God is more accurately lived out in our lives.
When we fight or flee we drive each other to our logical extremes. When we fight for control of the money she wants to spend more and more and I want to save more and more. When we flee for control of the money we both begin to hide what we are doing from each other. When we let the tension exist we both come to a common ground which reflects a godly balance.
The last point for now I want to share is to let conflict guide us. I have found that if I don;t fight or flee but "stand" the conflict will lead me into a more perfect expression of God's will and destiny even if it leads me into very dark places.
If we look at the life of Jesus he had continual conflicts with everyone in his life. He was without wrong intentions but the conflict he faced was so severe that people eventually rose up against him and killed him. In "standing" by refusing to either fight or flee the conflict guided him into God's perfect will in his life and gave life to all of us.
Then He took the twelve aside and said to them, “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and all things which are written through the prophets about the Son of Man will be accomplished. 32 For He will be handed over to the Gentiles, and will be mocked and mistreated and spit upon, 33 and after they have scourged Him, they will kill Him; and the third day He will rise again.”
Luke 18:31-34 (NASB)
So one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17 (NASB)
One of my earliest jobs was in an automobile paint shop called Earl Shiebs. We painted cars for under $19! Needless to say the quality of the paint job was not the best but still we did a fairly good job for such a low price. We also did some body work. That is where I began to learn to use a body grinder. To get rid of the rust or to give the body putty a firm foundation you have to grind metal till it shines like a mirror. The best way to do it is with a grinder.
The great thing for a young guy just starting to a life long relationship with cars was all the fire and sparks. When a good grinder hits the metal the whole shop lights up.
Iron sharpens Iron - So one man sharpens another. That is the same.
We all know a bit about the sparks that come with the sharpening of each other.
CONFLICT IS THE FRICTION OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT LETS THEM BE SHARPENED.
If there was no friction my grinder would do nothing to the metal I touched it with.
Even when I wrote the word conflict above many of us felt a slight queasiness in the pit of our stomach. Many of us have a history with conflict that is not pleasant. In fact most of us have had a training process that has left us wounded beyond what we think will never heal. How can we view conflict as a positive and life building process?
I know well of what I speak since I have been one of those who find it almost impossible to deal with conflict.
It started very early in my life. I learned that relationships are so fragile that at the first sign of any conflict they were over. Not only was I taught that by words I saw it constantly around me. My family was rife with divorce. When divorce came it was not just between parents. The parents disappeared from the children as well.
The grounds for these divorces were all the smallest conflicts that today seem so trivial to me. Yet there it was. Have a little fight and even the most important relationships in life are over..... forever.....
Now for those who live in families that stay together don't think that you did not learn some of the same things I did through other means. I have sat on the other side of the counselling chair with countless partners who stayed married but live lives of silence because they cannot resolve even the smallest conflicts without falling into a passivity so deep it rivals being dead.
FIGHT OR FLIGHT.....
A simple look at the world we share with animals and a close look at our own behaviour will show us that most of us get conditioned to deal with conflict in one of two ways. We either fight or we flee.
So much of our behaviour is in one of these two modes. Underlying both is the idea that conflict must be resolved for life to go on. We believe that relationships cannot exist in a state of conflict without someone doing something to quickly bring it to a resolution. Perhaps the greatest motivator to resolve conflict in an ineffective way is the fear of losing the relationship we have with loved ones.
This is not an imaginary threat. When conflict arose in my parental home relationships did end permanently. Our family fled. I have seen relationships supposedly continue through fear of anger violence and physical abuse. But they are just as permanently over as our fleeing ones were.
I have even seen the bible used to justify forcing one person in the relationship to submit to the will of the other's in a display of supposed relational bliss that meant one person had to die in the process. The temptation to even see this as referring to the death to selfishness the bible rightly proclaims over all of us is almost irresistible. But it is not a biblical truth. It is just fleeing.....
As I have seen it almost all these things happen as a response to conflict.
But today I am sure that conflict is not the real reason. In fact today I would say that conflict can be one of the most positive ways to be transformed in our character and to find God's will for our lives.
I am sure if I had read these words twenty years ago I would have said the person was either terribly innocent of the terror of conflict or they were insane.
I am now convinced that the quality of the relationship is really the problem.
Conflict just demonstrates its quality.
When a relationship is based on mutual self-giving love that is committed for life conflict becomes the means by which God sharpens us.
If conflict does anything else we need not try to resolve the conflict. We need to find why the conflict is destroying us.
That is a process for sure but it does have a beginning. The beginning is when we will allow God to penetrate all our defenses and make us teachable. We can be sharpened by others if we are willing to learn what the conflicts we have with them are meant to do.
Let's look at one way I have seen this to be the case.
Dominate / Subordinate relationships are always destructive to both.
Now when I say this people will think that I am saying all relationships involving authority are destructive. Again this is a misunderstanding of the purpose of authority relationships. Authority relationships are meant to guide and direct the activity of two or more people to a common purpose or activity. That is why Jesus said the one who is to be the leader needs to be a server.
And He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ 26 But it is not this way with you, but the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant. 27 For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.
Luke 22:25-27 (NASB)
Leadership is not getting our way. It is serving one or more people in a way that we find God's plan and specific direction for our lives together.
It is very much like driving a car. Someone has to do it and our lives are in that someone's hands but their motivation and our understanding of that motivation needs to be one of mutual care before we ever get into the car. If we find it is not then we need to press the conflict until we either get them to stop and let us out of the car - like finding out they are intoxicated after they start driving. Or until they respond to our part of the plans for the road trip.
That we have the power of the steering wheel does not mean we are given it to fulfill our dreams, desires, plans, intentions and so forth without reference to our passengers or most of all God. However even in saying that about God one of the ways I have seen many Christian authorities deal with conflict is to deify their own desires so that anyone who has a different idea about where the car is going and how it should be driven is really opposing God. There is that balance that must include conflict to be found. If I drive the car only where and how others want me to I have abandoned my God given responsibility to lead. If I listen only to my own thoughts and drive only as and where I want to I misuse the authority I have been given. If I make myself infallible and believe that I don't need anyone's input except God I will have blinded myself and will never hear from God at all.
My pastor often says to people who will not be accountable to anyone except God, "if the only one you listen to is God soon God will sound just like you!"
So the whole point I am making here is that authority in its proper place has a good end. But it will involve conflict. In this context I will say the point again concerning one outcome of a wrong understanding of conflict:
Dominate / Subordinate relationships are always destructive to both.
In this case conflict is seen in a fight/flight perspective in which one fights to get their way and one flees to keep the relationship and to avoid harm.
The only way to heal this kind of a relationship is to use conflict to challenge us to deeper mutual love.
That sounds a bit harsh but I believe it is the foundation of all wrong understanding of the nature of conflict and the use or avoidance of conflict.
Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; 30 AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.’ 31 The second is this, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:29-31 (NASB)
If we love God with all our heart we will want to follow Him fully. The rest of the bible tells us we cannot find that in isolation. We will only find it in relationship with others. And those relationships that will be the most important to finding His will for us will also be the ones which will have the greatest conflict. We will not be sharpened without it.
If we love our neighbor as ourselves then we will not fight or flee in conflict. We will love them enough to let them know through our words and deeds our perspective on our shared lives. We will love them enough not to fight or flee when they share with us theirs.
When two people have a deep mutual respect and love for each other, one can be in a leader role without it becoming a dominate / submissive relationship. Both will have a freedom to express themselves without fear of reprisal or abandonment. These two actions are why conflict is seen as a fearful or destructive.
We can begin to heal from our tendency to fight or flee and thus continuing to build unhealthy relationships by using conflict in a positive way.
But how do we use conflict positively?
First by understanding it as being only an indicator. It is not wrong to have conflict between us. It will be in a healthy relationship. it will be in an unhealthy relationship. If there is no conflict in a relationship one partner in the relationship is dead! But we can use the way we or others respond to conflict to indicate the potential for health or disease. It is the response to conflict not the conflict that is the problem.
Conflict as an indicator can be a way to protect ourselves and others. If we see ourselves or those we are in relationship with responding in fight or flight we need to go deeper to really see if the relationship is even meant to be. If we are not yet in a relationship with them it can keep us out of a destructive one.
I would tell anyone considering entering in a relationship with a person who mainfests a strong need to resolve conflict through fighting or fleeing to reconsider. If we or they constantly fight to deal with conflict we can be sure we will have an unhealthy relationship with them. If we or they flee constantly the relationship will always be insecure. Both conditions are miserable.
Secondly we can see conflict as an opportunity to walk in humility. If we think we are always right we will never listen to those we are in relationship with. Sincerely listening to the other person is one of the greatest acts of love and respect you can give them.
If we know that we need other people's perspective to find God's will for our lives we will be ready to listen to them. Our conflict with them will always turn destructive when we do not listen to them. Even if we do not fully implement their perspective the act of listening will disarm the idea that conflict will always mean rejection.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19 (NIV)
Another way to use conflict positively is to not demand it be resolved to still be in a positive relationship.
This is so important. I cannot understate how rewarding it is to live in it nor how hard it is to find the place it lives.
Our brains are hardwired to deal with conflict in a fight or flee way. To go against both these impulses is extremely difficult. But the reward for doing so is amazing.
To have a relationship not based on aggression or passivity due to a response to conflict is wonderful beyond words.
One night as I had been asking what the answer to the dilemma of my own response to conflict I heard in my heart, "It is neither fight nor flight but STAND."
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians 6:13 (NIV)
Another positive aspect conflict is that letting the tension of unresolved conflict simply remain is a wonderful way to grow a relationship.
When we are mutually committed to loving and staying in our relationships we will find that deep conflict can enhance our lives together. But we need to let the conflict work its sharpening work and not try to continually resolve it by fleeing or fighting. The stand position is the powerful one. It says we have a conflict. It says the conflict will not destroy our relationship unless we fight or flee. It says I will not flee or fight but will hold my perspective with respect for God and the person I am in conflict with.
For instance in our marriage Carie and I are very different in our perspective on finances. She tends to be more willing to spend than me. If I fix this conflict by demanding my own way I become tighter and tighter until I am nothing more than an old miser. On the other hand, if I flee and don't help her to have boundaries and limits we would be broke! The tension of the unresolved conflict is actually the way we both grow and the will of God is more accurately lived out in our lives.
When we fight or flee we drive each other to our logical extremes. When we fight for control of the money she wants to spend more and more and I want to save more and more. When we flee for control of the money we both begin to hide what we are doing from each other. When we let the tension exist we both come to a common ground which reflects a godly balance.
The last point for now I want to share is to let conflict guide us. I have found that if I don;t fight or flee but "stand" the conflict will lead me into a more perfect expression of God's will and destiny even if it leads me into very dark places.
If we look at the life of Jesus he had continual conflicts with everyone in his life. He was without wrong intentions but the conflict he faced was so severe that people eventually rose up against him and killed him. In "standing" by refusing to either fight or flee the conflict guided him into God's perfect will in his life and gave life to all of us.
Then He took the twelve aside and said to them, “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and all things which are written through the prophets about the Son of Man will be accomplished. 32 For He will be handed over to the Gentiles, and will be mocked and mistreated and spit upon, 33 and after they have scourged Him, they will kill Him; and the third day He will rise again.”
Luke 18:31-34 (NASB)
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